Conversations about Getting Pregnant

Me: I didn’t really feel anything when I ovulated. Some women say they can feel it.

Joe: Wouldn’t you hear it? It’s like a gumball machine. The egg comes out and rolls down the ramp with a “brrrrrrr” and then clinks against the door when it gets to the end. I bet you feel it when you are. It’s like a slot machine going off inside you. Little bells ringing and “Winner” flashes inside!

recreational nudity

joe called me yesterday to tell me that had been blocked at his school. he was very upset. slate is one of his daily reads. but, i don’t think that was the only reason he was upset.

“they said it was pornographic and recreational nudity. i must not have been looking at the right part!”

weekend conversations

me: what can we take my dad that’s fun to “eat” but a clear liquid?
joe: vodka.

what i never thought i’d hear my fil say

“so i was watching tyra banks yesterday afternoon…”

apparently it was boob day. it was all women in the audience, and they all took off their tops. joe and dave said at the same time, “and you didn’t call us?”

that’s when you just shake your head, roll your eyes and walk away.


joe and i sometimes like to think about what we’ll do when we finally get pregnant. the other day, we were talking about what theme we’d do for the nursery.

joe: how about baseball?
me: that’s great for a boy, but what if it’s a girl?
joe: cheerleaders. i will put pictures of cheerleaders all over the walls.
me: no.
joe: it can work for a boy too.

the other day i got my prescription filled at the store formerly known as eckerd (rite aid). it came in a green bottle instead of an orange one.

joe: you know, only vets use green prescription bottles. you might want to have your doctor checked out.

weekend conversations

me: can you call bath and body works and ask if they still have the fun frosted cranberry?
joe: nope.
me: why not?
joe: because i refuse to say fun frosted cranberry.
me: will you ask if they have winter candy apple?
joe: i’ll say candy apple.
me: how about vanilla bean noel?
joe: why don’t i just ask if they have the christmas crap.