foreshadowing?

i have had some of my dreams actually occur. something will happen, and i’ll think, i had a dream about this. so, when i dreamt last night that my hsg showed a tubal blockage and the doctor shrugged and said, “sorry. you can’t have a baby”, i woke up and freaked out. i’m already nervous enough about the procedure. i really don’t need the added stress. so, as soon as i woke up this morning, i started googling, and i found an article on webmd about the various surgeries that can be done for blocked tubes. that helped ease my mind a little, but i know i won’t feel better until it’s over and i get a clean bill of tubal health. please pray for me and send calming thoughts my way. i’m really going to need them.

procedure preparations

tomorrow i start an antibiotic treatment in preparation for my hsg on thursday. that just makes it all the more real for me. until now i’ve been dreading it (and the pain that apparently comes with it), but it was just something in the future. now, it’s just a few days away, and i am pretty scared. i’m a wuss when it comes to pain, so i’m not looking forward to this. i hate how testing for men is so easy and less invasive than testing for women.

the plan

it’s been a day. i’ve been going for about 8 hours but am just starting at work, which is kind of depressing. i spent 4 hours at the reproductive center, but we had a very good visit and we’re both much more positive and upbeat now.

here’s the rundown: my obgyn didn’t know what he was talking about. seriously. my re pretty much refuted everything my obgyn said. when i told him my obgyn said there’s no way i can get pregnant if i have a recurrance of endo, my re laughed and said, “i can’t even tell you how many patients i’ve had get pregnant while they had endo.”

i love my re and his office. everyone is so nice, and we got right down to business and developed a plan. it looks like i probably have pcos, but we won’t know that for sure until we go back in 4 weeks and put all the pieces together. i had a *lot* of blood work and an ultrasound done today. my fsh level was normal, and my estradiol level was a little high, but they said it’s nothing to be concerned about. my ultrasound showed some cysts or, as they call them, follicles, on my ovaries, but the sonographer said i had it good compared to a lot of women she’s seen. she said i only had a few.

we were really lucky we went today. the tests they did have to be done at certain points in your cycle. the blood tests and ultrasound have to be done before day 5, and the hsg has to be done by day 12. i’m on day 4 today, so it worked out perfectly.

next thursday, i’m going in at 7:30 a.m. to have an hsg done. they use a catheter to inject dye to see if the tubes are open. before i could even ask about it, my re said, “i’m going to warn you that it’s probably one of the most painful things you’ll go through.” so, he prescribed valium for me to take beforehand. and, i have to take the day off work.

joe also has to get retested because my re said they do more extensive testing there than they did at our local hospital. he said, “you don’t have to come by yourself. you can bring your wife. we have a loveseat. we can turn down the lights and turn on some music.” haha. he cracks me up.

as long as the tests confirm that joe is fine, it looks like we may just have to start clomid and then another drug to help me get pregnant, since he says clomid works against pregnancy. i will have to find a good way to find out if i’m ovulating or not. i thought the ovwatch was a good indicator, but now that i might have pcos i’m not sure if i have been or not. i’m not good at reading the urine tests. the last time i tried those i got a positive for about a week. however, my re said that also is an indicator of pcos, so hopefully those will work for us now.

i’m also considering asking my re to refer to me to a new obgyn. i don’t know if i go to my re through my pregnancy or not, but i really want to go someone in the emory system who is probably on the same page as my re. emory has an adventist hospital and an obgyn on staff, and that is where i’d really like to go even though it’s not as convenient. i haven’t been impressed with our hospital at all, and i’ve told joe i really didn’t want to have our baby there. hopefully it’ll all work out.

i’m really feeling good about this now. i’m even supposed to start prenatal vitamins, which makes me feel like this is really happening. i could get pregnant soon!

normal … possibly

the nurse at my doctor’s office called this morning and told me my lab work was normal. i guess that means i don’t have a thyroid problem, but i’ve decided i need to ask specifically when she calls back because when i asked about the pcos results she didn’t know. she called back just a minute ago, and i asked again. she said, “i don’t even know what that is. i think it’s an ovary something. i asked but i didn’t get an answer.”

sigh. so normal. maybe. possibly. still don’t know.

sharing

i’ve decided to unprotect my posts about ttc. i know i feel totally alone in this (even though i know i’m not), and reading blogs written by women in the same situation as me has helped. maybe opening up my posts can help someone else. now the question i have is, should i keep those posts on this blog or start a separate ttc blog? what do you think, since you’re my readers? i guess i worry that it will get boring.

answers

my visit to the doctor this morning went well. i explained my weight loss issue, and she immediately asked if i’ve had problems with my period. funny she should mention it since i missed this month too. she said it’s probably a combination of the pcos and the prednisone i’m on. she gave me a prescription for an amphetamine to kick start my metabolism and glucophage, which i’d been on before, for the pcos. it should help me get pregnant, too, so send good vibes my way.

it was nice to hear that i’m not doing anything wrong. she said the calorie range i’m eating in is correct and that i’m doing the right amount of exercise. she also is checking my thyroid and is testing all my hormone levels to confirm the pcos and to make sure i’m ovulating. isn’t it interesting how my pcp can do those tests but my obgyn can’t? i’m glad the glucophage should help in the pregnancy department, but it sucks to have to wait another month until i (hopefully) have my period.