Protected: Stress

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I am officially starting to freak out. I pray for peace, and for a while I am fine, thinking happily about my implantation bleeding and the ridiculous exhaustion I’ve been having lately.

Then, I start to freak out again. Joe said today would be the worst, and it really is. Tomorrow won’t be as bad because we’ll only be a day away from knowing. If I can just make it through today without going crazy…

Deep down I feel like I’m pregnant, but as I said yesterday, I’m starting to second guess everything, even the implantation bleeding. I’m going to be heartbroken if it didn’t work, and I’m letting you know now, I won’t be blogging for a while if that’s the case.

Please, do me a favor and don’t leave any comments or send me emails asking me if it worked. I know you all mean well, but if it doesn’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle being barraged by questions.

I Guess the Lack of Symptoms Has to Count for Something

I may be bloated as hell, but I haven’t had any cramps, and let me tell you, I get *horrible* cramps before my period starts. It’s just one of those wonderful genes handed down from my mom. I usually get them the week before, but this month I’ve had nothing. Maybe that means something. I’m grasping for straws here, huh??

9dp3dt — 3 Days Until Beta

I am officially starting to get nervous. Joe and I knew the last few days would be the worst, and I have a feeling they will be. As I said yesterday, I’m not paying any attention to any “symptoms” because, frankly, they could be from pregnancy or from the hormones. There’s really no way to tell. The one thing I did pay attention to was the implantation bleeding, and now I’m even starting to double guess that. I don’t know anything else it could be, but I just want this so badly that I’m getting nervous about everything.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next three days. I just want to know so badly so we can move on with our lives, and I’m so scared to hear an “Unfortunately, it didn’t work this time.” I’m *so* tempted to poas, but I’m trying to hold out. Luckily, I don’t have any in the house, and I don’t feel like spending $15 on one. 🙂

Let’s Talk about Feelings

I don’t really “feel” like I’m pregnant. Did any of you feel that way before you got your BFP?

I do, however, feel like yuck. And yes, that is the professional term. I have been *exhausted* the last few days, much more tired than I usually am. Around 3 p.m., I usually have to struggle to keep my eyes open at work. Yesterday, I started getting a headache, which I still have today, and today I started feeling pukey. It’s a different feeling than regular nausea. It comes in waves, and my stomach feels like I’m on a rollercoaster. It’s definitely not the kind of nausea I’ve had in the past. Oh, and did I mention my boobs *hurt*? I haven’t really been paying much attention to them because they’ve been sore from all the meds, but they *kill* me when I lay down on my stomach every night for my progesterone shot.

Luckily, I have an awesome hubby who won’t let me do anything today besides sit on the couch and watch TV.

The Meds Photo

I just realized that I forgot to post my obligatory picture of all my meds. I took pictures as soon as they came and uploaded them, but it just slipped my mind. So, for those of you who want to see everything I had to take during this IVF cycle, here they are:

fertility meds

And, here are the needles. I didn’t realize they were in bags labeled with what meds they go with, so I dumped them all out. Then, I had to figure out which went back into which bag. 🙂