Remember All That Talk About Signs?

Today I got the biggest sign of all. Ladies, we have implantation bleeding. Holy cow. I still can’t believe it. I noticed it after going to the bathroom, and I checked three times just to be sure. Each time, just a tiny bit. Twice it was brown and once red. It’s such a small amount, though, that I don’t even spot.

I think these babies are sticking around for a while. 🙂

Shot to the Butt and You’re to Blame

Boy, is my booty sore! These progesterone shots sure are taking a toll on me. Last night, Joe must have hit a bad spot because, although he had barely stuck the needle in, I was in so much pain I was crying. And, I didn’t stop crying until he had found another spot and given me the shot. I feel like a wimp, but really, I’ve done pretty darn well with the progesterone shots so far. They’re progesterone in oil, so the medicine is a lot thicker that normal, and it’s not a whole lot of fun. But, it’s been pretty bearable. Hopefully, last night was a fluke.

progesterone 4

Joe’s done really well with giving me the shots. This is the first time he’s ever had to give me shots, and considering he has to give them in a certain spot on the hip, I don’t envy him. I always wonder how he knows where to do them.

progesterone 2

Seriously, people, look how big this needle is!

progesterone 1

We’ve got our routine down. Every night at 9:30, I lay down with the heating pad on, and at 9:45, Joe gets the shot ready to inject at 10. Then, I lay there for a little while longer with the heating pad on. Using the heating pad before the shots usually seems to help with the pain of the injection, and so far I have managed to avoid any lumps under the skin, which I was warned about before we started this cycle.

I may not enjoy the progesterone shots, but they really seem to be working. My level yesterday was greater than 20, which my IVF coordinator says is where they want it. Progesterone makes the uterine lining more receptive for implantation, so I’m hoping my little babies are burrowing away in there.

We have five more shots to go at a minimum. If the pregnancy test is negative, we’ll stop them immediately. If it’s positive, I will take them for the next six weeks. As much as I don’t like them, I hope to be on them a long time. I’ll do anything to have a baby, and this isn’t anything I can’t handle.

A Bit of Relief

I don’t have OHSS. That’s a relief. The u/s this morning showed that I have a small amount of fluid in my belly, but the doctor said it’s so small he’s not concerned about it. He said my ovaries are shrinking back to their normal sizes, and that could be causing hte pain I’ve been feeling.

I got some relief in other ways, too. The doctor told me that bloating is normal at this stage. He also said my uterus looks great and, when he pressed down on my belly, he said it was nice and soft. I think this is the *only* time a woman is happy to be called soft. I’m hoping that means my lining is soft and easy for the embies to implant.

So, I’m feeling a little better, though I’m not as confident has I have been. I think I’m starting to become much more cautious. I really am not enjoying the bloating. According to the scale at the clinic, I’ve only gained 2-3 pounds since my last weigh-in at Weight Watchers (which was, what, like two months ago?); however, my “fat” pants are super snug on me, and they were super loose before when I was at this weight. It’s a little frustrating because I’m not eating a whole lot, and it makes me feel bad about myself.

But, if I get a positive test next Thursday, I’ll take the bloating. I just hope all this discomfort is worth it.

Down

I am bloated just like I am the week before my period starts.

This isn’t a good sign. I’m trying to get used to the idea that this likely didn’t work. After spending $12,000 on it, it’s going to be a hard pill to swallow.

UPDATE

I spoke with my IVF coordinator a few minutes ago, and she said that bloating is normal. She also said I could have a mild case of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome since I’m bloated, have painful ovaries and am short of breath even though I’ve made sure not to do anything active. It’s just odd how suddenly the bloating happened.

Oh, and my mil said that Rachel was super bloated a couple weeks before she found out she was pregnant and was sure her period was going to start too. Maybe there’s still hope.

Reality

Maybe I should stop being so positive and upbeat. I’m really going to look like a fool if it doesn’t work…

Being Blessed with Infertility

I told Joe last night that I’m really feeling good. The constipation cramps have pretty much gone away (hooray!), and I’ve just been incredibly happy and at peace.

I really feel like God gave me the opportunity to go through infertility for a reason. It has made me a stronger person, it had brought me and Joe much closer and strengthened our relationship, and it has brought us both closer to God. I’ve always been a Christian, but I’ve found myself wandering away, especially lately. Now, I spend time with God every day in devotions and prayer, and Joe and I have started praying together, which is especially important to me.

I also feel blessed in that I will know my baby(ies) much earlier than most women. I know them from the time they were conceived in the lab, and I have their first picture — as embryos. I think that’s pretty awesome.

We have eight days to go until the pregnancy test, and I’m not at all nervous or scared like I thought I would be. I’m incredibly calm, and I think God is giving me this peace for a reason.