i can’t make decisions. it sounds silly, but it’s true. i have this intense fear of making decisions. i don’t know if i had some experience in the past where i made a decision and for some reason it was the wrong one and made someone mad….i don’t know where it comes from, but i simply cannot make decisions now. i’m petrified of making a wrong one and making joe, or anyone else for that matter, mad.

it all came to a head last night. joe and i went to this nice italian restaurant here in town. everything was great until he asked the fateful question: do you want dessert. i kind of did, but i’m not one to speak my opinion first. so i asked him what he wanted. he said he didn’t really feel like dessert, so at that point there’s no way i would say that i did. that would be a “wrong” decision.

when our waitress came by, joe asked me again and i got really flushed and embarrassed and said, “whatever you want.” then i got mad at him for trying to embarrass me because he knows i can’t make decisions. and the fact is i know he would never, ever try to embarrass me. the point to this long and rambling story is i need to learn to make decisions. joe says to just start making them, but that’s easier said than done. i wonder if there’s any kind of baby-step thing for this type of problem.