never a dull moment

joe and i were relaxing on the couch watching sideways last night. i was leaning against him and he had his arms around me. i looked at him, and we started kissing. then CRAAAAAAAAAAACK. he smacked his forehead into my nose. i don’t think i’ve ever heard a crack that loud in my life. my entire nose, from the sides to the bridge, hurt. then my head began to hurt. joe thought he fractured it. he kept checking it for bruising and put a bag of frozen green beans on it. then he laughed at how absured i looked as i held the bag of green beans wrapped in a dish towel against my nose as i tried to watch the movie.

ah, never a dull moment with us.

movie meme

bold the movies you’ve seen. c’mon…you know you want to do it!

001. Napoleon Dynamite
002. Saw
003. White Noise
004. White Oleander
005. Anger Management
006. 50 First Dates
007. Jason
008. Scream
009. Scream 2
010. Scream 3
011. Scary Movie
012. Scary Movie 2
013. Scary Movie 3
014. American Pie
015. American Pie 2
016. American Wedding
017. Harry Potter
018. Harry Potter 2
019. Harry Potter 3
020. Resident Evil 1
021. Resident Evil 2
022. The Wedding Singer
023. Little Black Book
024. The Village
025. Donnie Darko
026. Lilo & Stitch
027. Finding Nemo
028. Finding Neverland
029. 13 Ghosts
030. Signs
031. The Grinch
032. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
033. White Chicks
034. Butterfly Effect
035. 13 going on 30
036. I Robot
037. Dodge Ball
038. Universal Soldier
039. A Series Of Unfortunate Events
040. Along Came A Spider
041. Deep Impact
042. KingPin
043. Never Been Kissed
044. Meet The Parents
045. Meet The Fockers
046. Eight Crazy Nights
047. A Cinderella Story
048. The Terminal
049. The Lizzie McGuire Movie
050. Passport to Paris
051. Dumb & Dumber
052. Dumb & Dumberer
053. Final Destination
054. Final Destination 2
055. Halloween
056. The Ring
The Ring 2
058. Harold & Kumar
059. Practical Magic
060. Chicago
061. Ghost Ship
062. From Hell
063. Hellboy
064. Secret Window
065. I Am Sam
066. The Whole Nine Yards
067. The Whole Ten Yards
068. The Day After Tomorrow
069. Child’s Play
070. Bride of Chucky
071. Ten Things I Hate About You
072. Just Married
073. Gothika
074. A Nightmare on Elm Street
075. Sixteen Candles
076. Bad Boys
077. Bad Boys 2
078. Joy Ride
079. Seven (SE7EN)
080. Oceans Eleven
081. Oceans Twelve
082. Bourne Identity
083. Lone Star
084. Bedazzled
085. Predator I
086. Predator II
087. Independence Day
088. Cujo
089. A Bronx Tale
090. Darkness Falls
091. Christine
E.T.
093. Children of the Corn
094. My Boss’ Daughter
095. Maid in Manhattan
096. Frailty
097. Best Bet
098. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
099. She’s All That
100. Calendar Girls
101. Sideways
102. Mars Attacks
103. Event Horizon
104. Ever After
105. Forrest Gump
107. X-Men
108. X-Men 2
109. Jeepers Creepers
110. Jeepers Creepers 2
111. Catch Me If You Can
112. The Others
113. Freaky Friday
114. Reign of Fire
115. Cruel Intentions
116. Hot Chicks
117. Swimfan
118. Miracle
119. Old School
120. Ray
121. The Notebook
122. K-Pax
123. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
124. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
125. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
126. A Walk to Remember
127. Boogeyman
128. Hitch
129. Back Door Sluts 9
130. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
131. The Fifth Element
132. Star Wars episode I
133. Star Wars episode II
134. Star Wars episode IV
135. Star Wars episode V
136. Star Wars episode VI
137. Troop Beverly Hills
138. Swimming with Sharks
139. Trainspotting
140. People under the stairs
141. Blue Velvet
142. Sound of Music
143. Parent Trap
144. The Burbs
145. SLC Punk
146. Meet Joe Black
147. Wild Girls
148. A Clockwork Orange
149. The Order
150. Spider-Man
151. Spider-Man 2
152. Amelie
153. Mean Girls
154. Shrek
155. Shrek 2
156. The Incredibles
157. Collateral
158. The Fast & The Furious
159. 2 Fast 2 Furious
160. Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
161. Closer
162. The Sixth Sense
163. Artificial Intelligence
164. Love Actually
165. Shutter
166. Ella Enchanted
167. Princess Diaries 1
168. Princess Diaries 2
169. Constantine
170. Million Dollar Baby
171. Life Of David Gale
172. 25th hour
173. Vanilla Sky
174. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
175. Boogie Nights
176. Braveheart
177. The Anarchist Cook Book
178. How To Deal
179. Mallrats
180. City of the Lost Children
181. Run Lola Run
182. Dazed and Confused
183. 13th
184. Super Size Me
185. Dark City
186. Jurassic Park
187. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
188. Jurassic Park 3
189. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
190. Apollo 13
191. It Came From The Sky
192. The Net
193. Jaws
194. Speed
195. Speed 2: Cruise Control
196. The Land Before Time
197. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
198. Any Given Sunday
199. Friday Night Lights
200. Net Games
201. The Terminator
202. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
203. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
204. “O”
205. Thirteen
206. The Craft
207. Poltergeist
208. Poltergeist 2
209. Poltergeist 3
210. Twister
211. Boondock Saints
212. Elizabeth
213. Man in the Iron Mask
214. Labyrinth
215. The Dark Crystal
216. MST3K: The Movie
217. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
218. Bambi
219. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
220. Perfect Blue
221. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
222. Beauty and the Beast
223. Sleepy Hollow
224. Spirited Away
225. Fahrenheit 911
226. The Producers
227. The Ladies Man
228. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
229. Blazing Saddles
230. American Beauty
231. Radio
232. Princess Bride
233. Clue
234. The Wizard of Oz
235. The 10th Kingdom
236. The Green Mile
237. Dirty Dancing
238. The Last Unicorn
239. Fern Gully
240. John Q
241. Girl with a Pearl Earring
242. Last Life in the Universe
243. 28 Days Later
244. 28 Days
245. Breakfast Club
246. Radio Flyer
247. The Rules of Attraction
248. Hackers
249. West Side Story
250. The Color Purple
251. Princess and the Warrior
252. Last of the Mohicans
253. Pirates of the Caribbean
254. Fight Club
255. Chasing Amy
256. The Hunt For Red October
257. Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
258. Titan A.E
259. Zulu
260. Wings of the Apache
261. Fiddler on the Roof
262. Mary Poppins
265. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
266. Silence of the Lambs
267. Hannibal
268. Red Dragon
269. Monsters Inc.
270. The Passion of the Christ
271. Gallipoli
272. Peter Pan
273. Remember The Titans
274. Pearl Harbor
275. Titanic
276. Last Temptation of Christ
277. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
278. Life of Brian
279. Dead Alive
280. Dream A Little Dream
281. Blade Runner
282. Grease
283. Grease 2
284. Gladiator
285. Dream for an Insomniac
286. The Way We Were
287. Waiting for Guffman
288. Center Stage
289. Circle of Friends
290. Dead Poets Society
291. Real Genius
292. Arsenic and Old Lace
293. The Maltese Falcon
294. The Birds
295. The Talented Mr. Ripley
296. Princess Mononoke
297. Dogma
298. Snatch
299. The Matrix
300. Blast from the Past
301. Romeo must Die
302. Shot In The Dark
303. Animal House
304. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
305. Continental Divide
306. Secretary
307. Casablanca
308. Casino Royale
309. 84 Charing Cross Road
310. Amadeus
311. Freebie and the Bean
312. Schindler’s List
313. Singin’ In the Rain
314. A Beautiful Mind
315. Cabaret
316. Citizen Kane
317. Lost in Translation
318. Ghost in the Shell
319. This is Spinal Tap
320. Grosse Pointe Blank
321. Heathers
322. Siesta
323. The Sting
324. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
325. Gosford Park
326. Persona
327. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
328. The King and I
329. Dr. No
330. Dr. Strangelove
331. M*A*S*H
332. The Pirate Movie
333. The Little Mermaid
334. Battle Royale
335. 4 Rooms
336. Pulp Fiction
337. Kill Bill pt. 1
338. Kill Bill pt. 2
339. Star Wars Episode III
340. Twelve Angry Men
341. Inherit The Wind
342. The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
343. The Matrix: Revolution
344. Mermaids
345. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
346. Miss Congeniality
347. Bringing up Baby
348. Gone with the Wind
349. Much Ado About Nothing
350. Adam & Eve
351. Finding Forrester
352. Superman
353. Excalibur
354. The Muppet Movie
355. American Dreamer 3
56. Jesus Christ, Superstar
357. Ladyhawke
358. Dangerous Liasions
359. African Queen
360. Raiders of the Lost Ark
361. Ghostbusters
362. National Treasure
363. King Arthur
364. Near Dark
365. The Horror Show
366. Sid and Nancy
367. Kingdom of Heaven
368. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
369. 2010: The Year We Make Contact
370. 2001: A Space Odyssey
371. Titus
372. Manhunter
373. Stargate
374. Michael Collins
375. Truly, Madly, Deeply
376. Rob Roy
377. Beautiful Thing
378. The Hole
379. Moulin Rouge
380. The Watcher in the Woods
381. Midnight Madness
382. Wilde
383. Latter Days
384. A Home At The End Of The World
385. Maurice
386. All Over The Guy
387. Raising Arizona
388. Life As A House
389. On The Line
390. A Walk To Remember
391. Antitrust
392. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
393. Wimbledon
394. What About Bob?
395. Big Fish
396. Alfie
397. Legally Blonde
398. Troy
399. Pride and Prejudice
400. Matchstick Men
401. Van Helsing
402. The Last House on the Left
403. Mad Hot Ballroom
404. Suspiria
405. The Unforgiven
406. Equilibrium
407. American Psycho
408. And The Band Played On
409. Pet Cemetary
410. American History X
411. The Shawshank Redemption
412. The Sixth Sense
413. The Thin Man
414. Murder By Death
415. Sex and Mrs. X
416. Bridget Jone’s Diary
417. The Haunting
418. The Usual Suspects
419. Silent Night, Deadly Night
420. Winding Roads
421. The Graduate
422. Life is Beautiful
423. Bubba Ho-Tep
424. The Manchurian Candidate
425. The Ninth Gate
426. Logan’s Run
427. Some Like It Hot
428. Back to the Future
429. Back to the Future II
430. Back to the Future III
432. Airplane!
433. License to Drive
434. Dancer in the Dark
435. Gladiatress
436. The Count of Monte Cristo
437. Thelma & Louise
438. Ravenous
439. Priest
440. End of Evangelion
441. Audition
442. Visitor Q
443. The Adventures of Iron Pussy
444. Iron Ladies
445. Iron Ladies 2
446. The Children’s Hour
447. Bound
448. Forgotten Silver
449. Mulan
450. Ripley’s Game

out of our leagues

it started off great.

we all sat around jennifer’s kitchen table, everyone taking turns either tossing chips into the pot, folding or knocking their knuckles on the table when they checked. we were in the middle of a rousing game of loose poker. me, joe, his friend billy and a bunch of lawyers with their significant others.

then it began.

rebekah wandered back into the kitchen after looking around jennifer’s living room.

“jennifer, did you clean the wax off your candles?”

“oh, the maids must have done it,” jennifer said nonchalantly as she prepared more snack food.

i thought it was a joke.

“how often do they come?” rebekah asked, placing her glass of wine on the table.

“twice a week,” jennifer replied.

then i realized they were serious.

“we love our maid,” rebekah said.

the girl sitting next to me looked up. “can you email me her phone number? we need to get one.”

as i’m sitting there in the midst of talk about maids, i started thinking that i could add to the conversation.

“i can pay for groceries every week with my paycheck!”

yeah, i was way out of my league.

btw…joe kicked their asses in poker, coming out $5 ahead while they were all under the $10 they had bought in with. i’m so proud!

why i almost broke up with joe

i woke up this morning and rolled over to tell joe about a dream i had just had.

“i just dreamt that we got engaged and…”

joe looks at me with compassionate eyes as he interrupts. “why do you keep having these nightmares?!”

“you think being engaged to me is a nightmare?!”

“i love you baby.”

“yeah, i used to love you.”

a typical guy’s comment

today dizzy the cat stole one of my feminine products out of my bag. for some reason he just loves playing with them. i really don’t get it. so he’s dragging it around the living room and chasing it, and joe starts to talk to him.

“don’t touch that dizzy! if you do you’ll go crazy and then you won’t be able to make decisions and then you’ll start crying for no reason.”

then joe looks at me. i denied all of it.

i’m not that exciting :(

stole this from jen…i seem to be taking a lot of stuff from her lately! 🙂

( ) sneak out of the house
( ) get lost in your own neighbourhood
( ) see a shooting star
( ) get into a fist fight
(x) laugh so hard you had milk/coke come down your nose
( ) have an imaginary friend or pet
( ) push all the buttons on an elevator
( ) skip school
(x) gotten stitches — still have the scar
(x) gotten the chicken pox
( ) done the splits — i always wished i could do this
( ) played spin the bottle
( ) cheat on a test or exam
( ) deliberately ignore your curfew
( ) go out in public in your pajamas
( ) shoplift
(x) have a crush on a teacher

As an adult ….have you ever…?

(x) been to any other countries.
( ) had a serious surgery
( ) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
( ) been arrested
( ) skipped work
(x) been in love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) skinny dipped
( ) scuba dived
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
(x) gone on a blind date
( ) lied to a friend
( ) lied to a significant other/spouse
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) had a close friend die
( ) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) been on a plane
( ) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college/university
(x) graduated college/university
(x) fired a gun