Boy, have I been BUSY with work lately. So much so that blogging is the last thing I want to do once I finally shut down after a 12-hour work day.

For the last month, I have been guest editing various Patch sites. Local editors have gone on vacation, and one just quit, so I’m running her site until the new editor takes over. It’s good pay, but it’s a lot of work. I’ve been just worn down.

I was pretty psyched about all this extra work because the money was being put aside to go toward adding onto our house. Then, I was told my freelancing was being cut to almost nothing. That means, the plans to add on to the house (and have a second child) are now on hold until a) I get more freelancing; or b) Joe gets a job that pays better.

I’m trying to find the silver lining, but it’s hard. Sure, we have money saved up now to help pay the bills, but that means putting on hold our desire to expand our family. I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want Lucy and her sibling to be TOO far apart in age. However, with only three bedrooms in our house and no bonus room or basement, we just don’t have the space right now. Stupid recession and housing market collapse.

There’s also the chance now that our mortgage company might let us refinance. We tried before, but they won’t release it to let our bank refinance it for us. And, they wouldn’t do it themselves because we didn’t have a hardship. I think this is considered a hardship. I’m praying VERY hard that they will approve it.

I just feel really letdown. I know God has a plan for us, as He always does. It’s just hard knowing we were SO close to being able to start trying to get pregnant again only to have it put off indefinitely. Every time we start to make headway on something we just keep getting hit over and over and over. I feel like we deserve a break. We do everything right, and we’re being punished.

I guess in a way it’s a good thing because it will give me more time with Lucy. I just wish we’d be able to keep saving the way we are! Oh well. I have faith that everything will be just fine.

So, that’s where I’m at. Monday — the day I found out — was a very difficult day for me. I was in a very dark place. I still hope we can become a family of four, but I’m now trying to be content with being just a family of three. We’ll see how that goes.