I’m an 80-year-old trapped in a 29-year-old’s body.

Today, I saw an orthopaedist for pain I’ve been having in my left knee. For the last week, it’s been unbearably painful when I walk or straighten it. The pain is different than arthritis, which is why I thought an ortho was the way to go. I had x-rays taken, and the doctor came in my room to tell me that I have arthritis. No kidding. Also, I have osteoporosis. Oh, and I have no cartilage anymore, which is why my knee crunches when I bend or move it.

Fantastic. He thinks the pain was from an arthritis flareup (which I thought was interesting because I’ve never had a flareup like this before), so he gave me the option of a higher dose of prednisone or a cortisone shot into the joint. I chose the shot because it is supposed to work faster, and the doctor told me I may have a little pain afterward. No big deal.

I guess his idea of a “little” pain is different than mine. This pain was worse than my labor pre-epidural. I was walking around the house (because I couldn’t sit) screaming and crying. My brother, who is a nurse, said that amount of pain couldn’t be normal and thought I should call 911 and have an ambulance take me to the hospital. Joe eventually got a hold of a nurse at the ortho’s office who said that this extreme pain isn’t normal but can happen. And, once I sat down and iced my knee, I couldn’t move my leg from the knee down. Apparently, that can happen too. That sure would have been nice to know, oh, say, pre-shot. I can tell you I would have chosen the prednisone.

The pain is supposed to be better by tomorrow. I’m not holding my breath. When I go back for my follow up visit in two weeks, I’m going to ask about knee replacement surgery. If there is no cartilage left, it makes no sense to continue wearing down the bone with my daily movements.

So, since I have the body of a senior citizen, does that mean I get the benefits?? A 10-cent coffee at McDonald’s and reduced-priced movie tickets might make me feel a little bit better.