Feeling Letdown

Boy, have I been BUSY with work lately. So much so that blogging is the last thing I want to do once I finally shut down after a 12-hour work day.

For the last month, I have been guest editing various Patch sites. Local editors have gone on vacation, and one just quit, so I’m running her site until the new editor takes over. It’s good pay, but it’s a lot of work. I’ve been just worn down.

I was pretty psyched about all this extra work because the money was being put aside to go toward adding onto our house. Then, I was told my freelancing was being cut to almost nothing. That means, the plans to add on to the house (and have a second child) are now on hold until a) I get more freelancing; or b) Joe gets a job that pays better.

I’m trying to find the silver lining, but it’s hard. Sure, we have money saved up now to help pay the bills, but that means putting on hold our desire to expand our family. I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want Lucy and her sibling to be TOO far apart in age. However, with only three bedrooms in our house and no bonus room or basement, we just don’t have the space right now. Stupid recession and housing market collapse.

There’s also the chance now that our mortgage company might let us refinance. We tried before, but they won’t release it to let our bank refinance it for us. And, they wouldn’t do it themselves because we didn’t have a hardship. I think this is considered a hardship. I’m praying VERY hard that they will approve it.

I just feel really letdown. I know God has a plan for us, as He always does. It’s just hard knowing we were SO close to being able to start trying to get pregnant again only to have it put off indefinitely. Every time we start to make headway on something we just keep getting hit over and over and over. I feel like we deserve a break. We do everything right, and we’re being punished.

I guess in a way it’s a good thing because it will give me more time with Lucy. I just wish we’d be able to keep saving the way we are! Oh well. I have faith that everything will be just fine.

So, that’s where I’m at. Monday — the day I found out — was a very difficult day for me. I was in a very dark place. I still hope we can become a family of four, but I’m now trying to be content with being just a family of three. We’ll see how that goes.

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Hi! I’m a wife to a wonderful husband, mom to a beautiful and active (to put it lightly) kiddo, and fur-mom to 3 crazy cats. I’m a former journalist. I quit my full time job two years ago. Now, I am a freelance writer and a virtual assistant for several bloggers!

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  1. Morgan says:

    Oh man, so sorry about that! Such a bummer! Although, as far as space goes we recently bought a house that is small than our old house. We have four kids in a three bedroom. You could totally do it! 🙂

  2. Kristi says:

    So sorry to hear that! Are you sure you can’t make three bedrooms work though? We are in a two bedroom and are actively trying for baby #2 right now. I will be 39 in December so there is no option to wait until we can move into a bigger house. We will keep the new baby in our room till he/she is at least 6 months old (we did that with Logan) and then the two will share a room. And it is a pretty small bedroom too. Sure it’s not ideal but for us it’s worth it so we don’t miss the chance to expand our family before I get too old.

  3. Amber says:

    Boo! I hate that…just when you think things are going well and you’re getting ahead, things seem to change. Hope things pick up for you so you can move forward with the house and becoming a family of 4!

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