Sigh. I was hoping I would get a bfp today, but I wasn’t really expecting it. Right now, I’m more scared and worried than I am sad. The nurse yesterday told me that the doctor doesn’t know why I didn’t get my period, so now I’m freaking out that maybe there’s something wrong with me that could cause me to not be able to have kids. I know I’m thinking worst case scenario here, but that’s really the first thing that comes to mind. Up until now I’ve had the doctors telling me that I’ll get pregnant and I have a beautiful uterus, and now this is happening. I think I’m going to be freaked out until I get some reassurance.

I’m supposed to go in for an ultrasound on Monday. I don’t really know what they’re going to be looking for or how that will help them figure out what’s going on, but more power to them. Maybe they can give me a blood test too, just to make sure that I’m not pregnant. But, I doubt I am. At this point, I feel like it’s never going to happen. And I am so, so sick of people telling me that it’ll be alright, especially when they haven’t been in this situation. My mom is big on that. My mom also got pregnant the first time both times. In my opinion, she really can’t say anything to me about this. I’m just glad I have several friends who have infertility problems themselves. All of our situations are different, but we’re still struggling with the same things emotionally and mentally. That really helps. I don’t know what I’d do without them.